FISH!

OHSNAP

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I will make the best parent.

You know how people say, “Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll land among the stars?”

Actually, besides the sun, the closest star is over 4 light-years away.

So if you miss, you’ll just be floating through the dark void of space for the rest of eternity
until you are dead, just like your dreams.

Girls are good for 70 things.

Sandwich and 69.

It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

I was taking my dog for a walk and she started pooping in a neighbor’s yard. I was about to stop her when I realized that this was the same neighbor who had made fun of me for being a teenager who still went trick-or-treating. Carry on.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWN

TOOOOOWWWWN.

bro down, down town, now.

I love Mario.

So much.

Hands off, bitch.